If you get to heaven before I do...

...punch a hole and pull me through.

This is what my mom would say to me to make light of the situation when she knew she was dying.  Today marks the anniversary of my mom's passing and I can't tell you how much I miss her.  What I wouldn't give to hug her and hear her tell me she loves me.   However, the last few years of her life were difficult and she fought a very hard battle with cancer.  I find peace knowing that she is no longer frail, sad or in pain. 

I have spent many nights holding Henry and thinking about my mom.  Sometimes when he would stare at a spot on the ceiling I would wonder if maybe she was there with us and he could see her.  Silly, I know... but it made me feel good to think she was there with us, watching over him.

While in the hospital, the last week of her life, my mom said something to me that leads me to believe she knew I was pregnant, before I even did.  This is the conversation that took place one morning when Jason and I were staying with her.

Mom:  "Jason, why did you throw up?"
Jason:  "I didn't throw up."
Mom:  "Yes, you did.  I think you're pregnant."
Jason and I start laughing.
Me:  "Mom, Jason's not pregnant."
Mom:  "Well someone is."

A week later my mom passed away and a few days after her funeral I took a pregnancy test that came back positive.

My mom wanted nothing more than for me to have children.  She had given birth to 8 children and raised 4 of my dad's and many of her grandchildren.  Henry would have been her 22nd grandchild.  I wish she would have gotten to meet him.  She would have loved him and no doubt would have been his favorite person. 

I will honor my mom by being a good mom to Henry.  More than anything, that is what would make her proud of the daughter she raised.

 Love and miss you, mom!